A Little Pep Talk for When You’re About to Lose It
Emotional regulation starts with you — and how to actually do it
Being the steady one in your child’s storm isn’t easy.
It takes intention, practice, and a lot of deep breathing. But the payoff is HUGE.
You’re not just managing outbursts. You’re teaching your child how to be resilient, emotionally intelligent, and self-aware.
And here’s the twist: the secret to helping your child regulate their emotions starts with regulating your own.
✅ Co-Regulation: The Emotional Anchor
You’ve been helping your child regulate since the newborn days—rocking, swaddling, soothing. Now it looks a little different, but it’s just as important.
Your child can’t calm down if you’re revved up.
Co-regulation is your secret weapon. It’s not about fixing—it’s about anchoring.
Sometimes that means saying nothing. Just being there. Sitting quietly nearby. Putting a gentle hand on their shoulder. Letting your calm lead the way.
✅ Your Calm Is Contagious
Studies show that people’s brain waves can sync when they’re together (it’s called “entrainment”).
So when your child is in a state of high alert, your job isn’t to match it—it’s to invite them into your calmer rhythm.
Deep breaths, soft tone, eye contact.
It might feel small, but neurologically, it’s huge.
✅ Validate First. Problem-Solve Later.
Before diving into logic, meet them in the emotion.
“That sounds really hard.”
Not: “You’re overreacting.”
Kids need to feel safe before they can shift.
✅ Mindfulness Isn’t Just for Yogis
You don’t need a meditation cushion or spa music to practice mindfulness. You just need awareness.
Notice when you’re triggered. Step away if needed. Say, “I need a minute to calm myself down before we talk.” This models emotional regulation and gives your child permission to take breaks too.
Try belly breathing (inhale 4 seconds, hold 7, exhale 8).
Repeat a grounding mantra like, “I can handle this,” or “Connection over correction.”
These simple shifts bring you back to yourself, so you can show up the way your child needs you to. It may sound cheesy, but it helps.
✅ Tear and Repair
You’re going to lose your cool sometimes. That’s okay. What matters most is what happens next.
Own it.
Apologize without a “but.” (“I’m sorry I yelled. That wasn’t okay. I’m working on staying calm when I feel overwhelmed.”)
That moment of repair teaches resilience, accountability, and emotional safety.
✅ Who Holds the Energy?
This is a favorite question I use with parents:
“Who holds the energy right now?”
If the answer is your child, it’s time to shift. Take a breath. Get a drink of water. Recenter. Then, re-engage.
You are the emotional thermostat in the room. When your nervous system is regulated, theirs has a better chance of following.
It isn’t always easy — But It’s everything
When we respond with patience instead of panic, curiosity instead of control, and connection instead of consequences — we’re teaching them how to move through tough feelings with confidence.
They won’t always get it right. Neither will we. But we’ll get better at it together.
Let’s keep the conversation going…
And join me for two special events created just for early supporters!
📍 April 17 — at Aspen Academy in Greenwood Village, CO (5:30–6:30 PM) Join me in person for a free talk on middle childhood. Just preorder the book to reserve your spot! RSVP Here!
Can’t make it in person? No worries.
💻 April 27 — Live Webinar I’ll be hosting a one-hour virtual event where I’ll dive deeper into the book’s key themes, provide you with actionable guidance and answer your questions in real time.
How to join:
1️⃣ Register for the webinar via THIS LINK
2️⃣ Submit your proof of purchase HERE
Once approved, you’ll receive a confirmation with everything you need to attend!
I look forward to seeing you there!